These Mad Madrilenos!

The more time I spend in a city, the more I get to soak up their culture, nuiances and the parts of the city's daily life that is different from where I have been, and where I will be going.

Once I started exploring Madrid, I began to realize that these people are quirky...more so than anywhere else I have been. I think part of their tendencies can be attributed to the fact that they are Spanish, but the rest is simply Madrileno.

Two days into my Madrid meanderings I thought I would make a "top 10" list of the things I observed as odd, well after 5 full days here the list has expanded to God knows how many. Lets see how many we can count...

#1) "The Birds" at crosswalks. Instead of simply having a flashing green man to tell pedestrians its okay to cross the street, Madrilenos have added sound effects. Its a noise that sounds like a flock (giant flock) of birds in Central Park on Sunday mornings. It took me a bit to get this, and for a while I was the American idiot wondering where the birds were. (Thank God, I was wearing sunglasses so my confusion was a bit contained.)

#2) Museo de Jamon. (Ham Museum) This seems to be the Madrileno name for a large deli. It sound horrid to me, like I want to go in and see ham from 100 years ago... gross!

#3) They are the SLOWEST walkers in the world. No joke. I asked a man at my hotel how long it would take to get to the Prado, which looked VERY close on the map. He told me 20 minutes. 10 minutes later I am standing at the entrance.

#4) Pant suits. I think Hilary Clinton has spent some time in Madrid, and either she picked up her vibrant colored pant suits here or all women in Madrid are mimicking her. Needless to say its not a "souvenir" I spent a second looking for.

#5) Everyone I meet, says they don't speak English. Five seconds later we are having a vivid conversation about NYC and life in general. I wish I could say "I don't speak Spanish" (or French, Italian, etc) and speak as well as they do.

#6) The huge park - Parc de Madrid or Retiro - has hours, and a gate surrounding it to ensure that the hours are met. Don't think you can get up and be in the park prior to 9AM. You will be locked out.

#7) They have assigned seats in movie theaters. So, if you plan to go with your sweetie or someone in general, you have to purchase tickets together. And they give them to you in chronological order. SO, if you buy the first ticket for a showing you are sitting in the far right corner of the theater, and if a show has a decent audience, the first 6-7 rows of the theater are SOLID, and the remaining are empty. So silly. But these guys follow the rules and there is no 'cheating' the system.

#8) Adidas track suits. Didn't these go out of style in the 90s? Not here.

#9) Siestas. Siestas. Siestas. I would love to see our office shut down for a siesta... or even for everyone to go out for a 2 hour lunch...NOT HAPPENIN'.

#10) Women over the age of 45 have SUPER short hair. And its all the same cut. Variety, people! Come on.

#11) Sex Shops. Every city has 'sex shops'. That is what we refer to them as, but RARELY is that what the name of the store. In NYC we have Babes in Toyland, the Birthday Suit, and FantasyLand to name a few. (I used to live on W4th so I was familiar with the location and names). Here they have one name "Sex Shop". Hmmm...wonder what goes on in there?

#12) Assigned seats on trains. I think this is a TERRIFIC idea. I can't tell you how many times I have had to stand on trains to LI, CT or the Hamptons because there were no seats...or at least that I could see.

#13) Simultaneous Subways. This may just be coincidence, but the three times I used the metro yesterday, both trains (one going one way, one the other) entered the station at the EXACT same time. Wow. NYC will never be that organized.

#14) They suppport Bull-fighting. Enough said.

#15) Their Post Office is insane. Its larger then the Thyssen Museum, and much more ornate. It has 10 doors to enter, but only two that actually work. It can be totally empty, and you still have to take a number... and then you have to wait!

#16) Bread with tomatoes. This has been served in EVERY restaurant I have visited. In America we call this "bruschetta" here they call it "free".

#17) Mixed drinks. Ordering a mixed drink (captain and coke or vodka tonic) is like digging yourself out of a ditch. They give you a glass FULL of vodka -- assuming you ordered Vodka -- and then a bottle of whatever you are mixing it with, ie., tonic. You have to drink the vodka down to make room for the tonic. And these glasses are not small. In Spain, if I am drinking mixed drinks, I am the cheapest date EVER.

#18) Ordering drinks in restaurants. I feel sorry for wait staff in Spain. Here, it seems there is a lot of mistrust in ordering drinks in Spain, and a customer needs to see you POUR FROM THE BOTTLE -- whether that be a specific bottle of wine, specific liquor, or whatever. The way it works is like this... Lets say my book club goes out to dinner. Kenzie orders wine. Kelly orders a captain and diet. Julia orders a vodka tonic. Shawna orders white wine. I order champagne. The pour server must bring to the table 5 appropriate glasses. A bottle of red wine, as well as white. A bottle of champagne. A bottle of tonic. A bottle of Captain Morgan. AND THEN a coke and a bottle of tonic. SERIOUS LIFTING goes on here.

#19) 15 minutes is never 15 minutes. I think this is simply a world thing. But when any Madrileno has told me I would see him/her in 15 minutes... I wait, and I wait...

#20) "Clouds" do not exist. Not that I am complaining. But since I have been here I have not seen ONE.

#21) No hour is too early to have a drink or smoke a cigarette. (this probably applies to most cities)

#22) To-go cups. Many breakfast places have signs that say "cafe take-away", however I would not recommend this option. What they mean by this is they will give you a 4 oz. plastic cup, and pour a cafe or espresso into it and you can "take it away". Now, if the cup is plastic and the coffee is hot, does anyone else see the problem with this?

#23) Jelly beans on trains. What? The Spanish train system "Renfe", is quite nice.... once you learn there are assigned seats. During the trip someone will pass through and offer a basket of treats, which I thought were mints. I soon realized that I had three INDIVIDUALLY wrapped orange jelly beans! Variety, people!

#24) "You have beautiful eyes". I swear they teach this in school here. Its on an exam to graduate high school or something as it seems that if someone truly doesn't speak English, they know this one sentence.

#25) "After 8". This is the name for "Mint Chocolate Chip".