Beach-Bummin' It & Life Searchin' It

This morning as I awoke to Miguel and Eline's doberman slamming his body into my door, I knew there was no point in going back to sleep. This has been my morning wake up call since I arrived in Rota. And while annoying, we all laugh that the "men of the house" (albeit both canines) are fighting over me.

I dressed for a run on the beach, and as I was walking out ran into Miguel. I asked if Eline was up yet, and he laughed saying "she has too much fun at the party." What party? Was I there? Seeing my confused expression, he explained what he meant -- the mojito party that the two of us had that lasted until 3:30AM while we watched silly movies and past episodes of Gossip Girl. Such a fun time.

Out on the beach the sun is blinding, the wind a bit blustery, and I got the sense that today was going to be an almost perfect beach day. Maybe a bit windy, but hiding amongst the dunes would allow the perfect sun spot to get lost in thought, books or conversation.

The three of us had already decided to allow our schedule for the day be determined by Fed Ex and a delivery I was expecting, so we may or may not be going to Seville. With the weather being what it was, I kind of hoped Fed Ex would lose it forever and fortunately they did! (at least for another day)

After running, and having coffee, I grabbed my ipod, book and journal -- all important elements for a day at the beach -- plus towel and sunscreen. I found a place in the dunes to keep out the unwanted sand storms and got settled, while I waited on Eline to finish a call with her family in Holland.

As I waited, I listened to tunes and finished my book and wrote a bit. My thoughts were so fluid without the hassles and interruptions of work life -- and always feeling there was something else I should be doing. I had nothing to do, but lay on this bit of sand and soak up as much sun as possible. For now, this truly is the life. And I am loving it.

While I let my mind wander, I had to ask myself why I didn't pursue a life like this. Both Eline and Miguel work from home. Their mortage is minimal. They work 10-15 hours a week and the rest of the time they play, they do what they love, they simply live. They cook. They clean. They watch movies, and read. They enjoy their dogs -- Fairn and Gaucho. They travel to Seville or Japan or Argentina when time and money permit. They visit family. And they live. Simply. Their life is not complicated. There isn't a ton of scheduling and jostling of calendars to make anything fit. The Fed Ex package was delayed, and so was our trip to Seville. No worries. We will go tomorrow. Everything is calm, without a sense of being frazzled.

Life for me has rarely been like that, and I have to wonder is it me not allowing my life to be calm, or is it the place I choose to have my life that allows calmness to elude me. The jury is still out on that one.

But I do know I like this more simple approach to life, without schedules and traffic jams and blackberries and all the things that come to wear you down after awhile, and ultimately the feeling that there is always something else one could or should be doing. Because there are always a zillion other things I could be doing. If I wasn't sitting in this chair blogging, I could be figuring out my plan when I get to Italy, I could be reading, I could be writing postcards from the past 3 cities I have visited, I could be packing, or figuring out how to un-die my once-white pants from their current rosy existence... There will always be something. For saying yes to one thing is saying no to a ton of other things.

And maybe that's the trick to life. Learning what you want to say yes to, what you want to commit to, and then letting the rest just be "filler" that doesn't have to matter. For there will always be a ton of things to "do", but how many really bring a sense of happiness? How many choices do we make only add clutter to our lives and cause us to spin our wheels until we can't see straight?

As the sun is starting to set on this lovely and wonder-filled today, I think I have ultimately found my goal of my nomadic existence. For when its time to emerge from my 'life out of a suitcase' and I have a more established home and no more PO boxes, my goal is to know what I want to say yes to, and commit myself to that purpose -- whether it be a career in New Business, or my PhD or a new path all together. I want to know what that 'thing' is that is going to allow me to be calm and focused, and more aware of the world and the people in it, and more selective about how my time is spent. The thing I care about enough, that incapsulates my interest and I feel I am adding to it.

All my life I have felt I could do anything. My career path shows that -- new business, pr, corporate comm., acct management, human resourses, etc. And in many ways those are just jobs. Things I do to pay the rent and afford my life. But what is the one thing I am so passionate about, the one thing I love doing, the one thing I want to make time for and contribute to... the one thing I want to do, because I add to it just like it adds to me.

A wise woman once told me to only commit to those things that support you. And I truly feel that for a while I have been supporting alot, but not getting a ton back in return... I think I need to give that some additional thought and see where those thoughts lead. Something tells me I am on the brink of discovery... and who knows where I will emerge.