I think he is amused by me. He is not really sure what to make of this American that has more or less moved into his apartment, taught him about Feng Shui, and likes to do everything on her own. I catch him shaking his head at me with a smile more often these days, and when Nacho asks him in Spanish (as he doesn't think I understand) about me, Saber has this look that is half-adoring, half-bewildered that comes over his face and responds, "no lo so". He doesn't know.
As the bus made its way through the Spanish countryside, I fall into a deeper state of love with this country. From the aqua skies, the golden fields, the medieval towns perched high on the hills, the bulls grazing in the afternoon sun... I am in love more than any girl can possibly be. I savor these moments, as I know that in a week these views will be few and far between.
When we arrive in Rota, I disembark and look for Eline & Miguel. They are not to be found. I don't have their phone numbers. But I know they are coming. I wait without worry at the gate to the station, and two minutes later I see their SUV pulling up.
There was something odd about seeing them again, and I think for them too. For almost two months we had known each other, and were now woven into the fabric of each others' lives. I wasn't a temporary passenger in their vehicle anymore. I wasn't a hitch-hiker in need of a place to stay. I was a friend who had come to see them -- leaving the place I loved so that I could be with them, because they are my friends, and that is what friends do.
It was 3PM and I was starving, as were they. We went to a seafood place that we had visited on the first night I was with them. As we parked and got out of the car, Miguel gave me a hug as did Eline. I could tell they were waiting on something as we went into the restaurant. Everyone wanted to know what was going on with Saber.
So I told them the stories of the past several days...how I had not planned to stay all week, and yet I had...how I loved Sevilla more than I did when I left for Italy a week ago...how Saber calls me his "hunny" and his "queens" and "mi nina gordita" and the last I was not so fond of...how Saber checks on me at the cafe when he think I am not paying attention, but I see him out of the corner of eye and I don't look up so he doesn't know I see him and so he will keep doing this as I secretly adore it...about the way I spend every day the same way and I LOVE it...about the drama with Joseph...about meeting the neighbors and Saber's Moroccan friends...about staying out until 4AM every night... about waking up and running, and then doing practically nothing all day. And more than anything, loving life. Loving my life.
Miguel tells me I look different. That I look like a different person, and Eline agrees. Finally on this journey of a thousand steps, I had learned to relax, I had learned to rest, I had learned to be happy and worry about little else.
We order wine and large plates, and get ready for a feast.
The conversation turns to next steps when I go back on Tuesday. And I don't really know what they are, and I am not really worried. With five days left, the last thing I want to think about is going back to America.
We talk about the reality of my move to Spain. Where I hoped to live, how I planned to live, would Saber be involved and if so, how much... Eline wanted to know what would happen if I just stayed, what I really needed to do in New York.
And I guess I hadn't really thought about it before. There was my job, that I had committed to returning too. There was my family that I really wanted to see. There were a few people in New York that I still cared about and was looking forward to seeing as well. There was the apartment I had committed to. There was my PO Box that I needed to check. And there was my storage unit that held all my clothes, and a microwave.
Miguel, who has one of those subtle hilarious personalities, looked at me seriously, and said, "Yes Paige, I agree. You must go back for the microwave."
It made me laugh, but there was an element of truth that he had hit on. There was very little I was looking forward to in returning to New York. It was more about shoulds, than wants. It was about cleaning up the remaining bits of the mess I had made when I left. Sorting what was left of my Manhattan life. Figuring the keepers from the tossers, and packing up what was left and getting back to where I wanted to be... for me.
The afternoon slipped away like they all do in Spain. Lots of wine, lots of laughter, lots of genuine happy smiles. Lots of honest, if somewhat silly, conversation. Lots of truth and ultimately, lots of GOOD times.
As we wandered to the beach and then wandered home again, I was once again foot-loose and fancy-free, and truly the happiest girl on the block. I just love Spain, and the way I feel here, lets me know that she loves me back.
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