Italy so far...

I have made it to Sienna (part of Tuscany) after a fun, long weekend with Sandra. Having a friend to share the Italian experience with definitely jazzed up my overall feeling of being in Italy. I don't know really what I expected Italy to be like, but after the sun and fun filled days of my Spanish travels, I know I was hoping for more than this. The one question I keep asking myself is "why am I here?" And somehow I feel when I am able to answer that, I will be able to move forward, with alot of things and not just my travels.

The weather in Italy has been crap, minus a super sunny day in Venice. Rain almost every day, and if not rain, ultra-grayness that only leaves a foggy view of life. As much as I hate to admit, so far Italy isn't doing it for me. It is probably one of the most -- if not the most -- beautiful countries I have been to. Everywhere I turn is a picture perfect scene. Its lovely if you are photographer. However, to me the overall feeling of the country is lifeless. Its not thriving and vibrant like my days in Spain, where everyday was tingling with excitement, adventure, passion and dreams. I feel like a tourist in Italy, and truly don't find myself wanting to become more. Its sad, as this is the one place I have been wanting to visit for so long, and I feel myself being slightly robotic about touring its winding streets, tasting its wine and olive oil, and learning to cook its simple dishes.

The food is divine, I will say. As is the wine. And gelato. But its all expensive. I have yet to find the value in Italy. Sadly, it reminds me of NYC and that has not been a welcoming thought. Somehow I have ventured far past my New York life into a life that is truly my own and truly different than what I thought this journey was about or where I thought this journey would lead. I find myself wanting to cut out the bullshit that we pretend (or at least I was) gives life meaning and focus on the things that make me happy, joyful and a peace with myself. Unfortunately, I am finding very few of those things here. I am willing to chalk it up to the dreary weather for another day or two... but after that I think its time to call an ace an ace and a spade a spade and move on... the world is to grand to spend time in places you really don't care to be.

And maybe that in itself is the answer to my question. I am here because I thought this is what I wanted. But in travels, just as in life, we are all allowed to change our minds and alter the path we set out on. God knows I am queen of altering plans and changing agendas...something tells me there are a few alterations in my immediate future.