A Day on the Road with Jose

After the near disaster with the car a few days ago, I needed a break from my new friend. So I got that and had a lovely day to myself in Calatillas, I read, wrote, ran and just did the things I wanted to do. I attempted sunbathing and literally blew away with the blustery weather Tenerife has been experiencing. But the day itself was terrific.

Then today I got up and went for a run and met Jose at the café for about 6 coffees. He had a great idea. Why not rent a car AND driver for the day so we can enjoy sight-seeing? Something told me this was an awful idea. BUT when you see someone so wrapped up in their own genius moment how do you burst their bubble? So against my better judgment, 30 minutes later I climb into a cab ready for “little Las Vegas” and “Teide”.

All goes smoothly until Jose and the driver get into a VERY heated argument about the cost of our hired hand. This was about 20 minutes down the road. Jose calls the guy an asshole, and for some reason did not think the guy knew the meaning since he said it in English. Trust me, there were no good vibes in that vehicle. And Captain Energy (my nickname for Jose) wanted to discuss it with me... at length.

Jose is not a quiet person. He is 6 foot something, very bullish in his demeanor, and highly expressive. (If you think I talk with my hands, you should see this guy. He is like a walking Tigger from Winnie the Pooh).

The taxi driver knew what was going on. It didn’t take a genius. They get in another heated state. I am hating this. I may not understand everything, but its clear to see they are bullying each other. I tell Jose to cool it, and he eases back. Just as we pull into a beautiful sunning spot, with amazing views, and a 10 Euro beach towel later and we are on the beach. Well I am. Jose forgot his swimsuit and sandals and is laying out in jeans and sneakers. We were definitely the odd couple.
After an hour, Jose is getting red, we found Senor Taxi Driver and we are headed for Tiede, the volcano and the highest point in Spain. Half way up the mountain, Jose decides we need lunch. Its almost 5PM is he serious? He knows the most terrific place! (of course he does… did I mention we are on the side of a volcano? Something tells me there is only one place…) The place he chose had amazing views of the coastline, the mountains, etc. And truly was absolutely perfect. AND they had the best cheese in the world… seriously, it won GOLD at the World Cheese Championship. It was made in the Canaries, so we had to try it, and it was outstanding! (In Spain the cheese course seems to be more of an appetizer than in France where it falls towards the desert end of the spectrum) Its over this course that Jose decides to apologize for the other day, which is very sweet and very much appreciated.

Our lunch/dinner was absolutely divine. Over lunch Jose was playing with a piece of paper – more of a heavy meditation that was VERY concerning -- telling me it was magic, and it would bring us good luck on the way to the volcano. Okay, I knew something was up. He is now getting bad vibes about our over-weight Spanish taxi driver?

When we left the restaurant we left with almost 10lbs of the world’s finest cheese. Seriously, given the retail value in the States (almost $400 a lb) the cheese was worth more than the cab!

No sooner had we gotten in the car then we are pulling into a service station. (Jose, I think you needed to do your “magic trick” in the reverse order). Then we are going again. Up and up and up… the driver obviously is trying to make a tip as he started pointing out everything remotely interesting that we were passing, and there was a lot. Truly. Tons of tomato, potato and banana farms growing on the side of this volcano.
As we pass a sign indicating we had 13kms to go, the car started smoking, and dies. No joke. We are stranded on top of a mountain. Mine was the only cell phone that worked (THANK GOD I had it with me). The driver was getting a tow truck, but who knew how long that would take. (Experience told me the Spanish don’t move quickly.)

Jose decided to cash in our chips and hitch hike… And we were golden, the first car that passed was a lovely Spanish couple who were in Las Americas for a pediatrician clinic (Jose is thrilled… more clients!). They picked us up and we continued our assent, which was truly breathtaking. It was hard to believe that as we leveled out this huge rocky expanse engulfed us, and then we were staring at Tiede. So massive and far up there! Simply amazing.

We had a coffee with the couple, and Jose dominated the conversation with Reiki and his Bach flowers. I can’t decide if I should advise him that other people might like to get a word in, as when he gets going it’s a little intense. An hour later we are headed back down, with more amazing views… and more of his Reiki bullshit. (I have about had it… this guy is truly a one-trick pony)

THEN when we get to Los Cristanos, Jose decides to give Senor Doctore a reiki treatment. OMIGOD. I could scream. I knew us not driving was a HORRIBLE idea. Jose of course thinks it’s a god send, and I have to listen to this all the way back to Calatillas.

You would think someone who is “so clued in to the universe” would not be so exuberant every time life works out. Seriously, does he get so excited and do this ridiculous laughing-snorting-laughing thing EVERYTIME he has a run-in with life (or the universe)?

I was quickly, and sadly, realizing Senor Jose Figueroa was not everything he was cracked up to be.